Some thoughts...

"The desert fathers in their sayings point us toward a very holistic view of prayer.  They pull us away from our intellectualizing practices, in which God becomes one of the many problems we have to address.  They show us that real prayer penetrates to the marrow of our soul and leaves nothing untouched.  The prayer of the heart is a prayer that does not allow us to limit our relationship with God to interesting words or pious emotions. By its very nature such prayer transforms our whole being into Christ precisely because it opens the eyes of our soul to the truth of ourselves as well as to the truth of God...Thus the prayer of the heart is the prayer of truth.  It unmasks the many illusions about ourselves and about God and leads us into the true relationship of the sinner to the merciful God."  Henri Nouwen

"Be careful how you tie down the Word to fit into your set and final creeds, systems, dogmas, and organized theistic philosophies.  The Word of God is not bound!  It's free to say what it will to the individual, and no one can outline it into dispensations which cannot be broken.  Don't get it down 'cold' but let it live, fresh, warm, and vibrant, so that the word is not binding ponderous books about it, but rather it is shackling you for having allowed it to have free course in your life.  That's the apostlic pattern."   Jim Elliot, Journals

"Our Lord makes a disciple His own possession, He becomes responsible for him. 'Ye shall be witnesses unto Me.'  The Spirit that comes in is not that of doing anything for Jesus, but of being a perfect delight to Him.  The secret of the missionary is--I am His, and He is carrying out His enterprises through me.  Be entirely His."   Oswald Chambers

"The truest solitude is not something outside you, not an absence of men or of sound around you: it is an abyss opening up in the center of your own soul.  And this abyss of interior solitude is created by a hunger that will never satisfied with any created thing."  Thomas Merton

Return of the blogger...

So, after quite a few months of not checking xanga, I do, and find that I have missed the brief glimpses into various lives that you get when reading xanga.  To all of you out there, I really like you and I enjoy reading what is happening in your lives and what you have been thinking and struggling with lately.  Please don't stop, even though in return my communication is at best random and halting.

Lately I've been crazy like usual: I make coffee and learn the day's weather report, have random conversations with perfect strangers, get asked out by funny Albanians, spill something or more things, think about my future (if I'm hopeful) or don't (if I'm not and in the avoidance stage), apply to random programs around the world, hang out with friends, and read, like always.  I hope that was informative.  Have a good day.

A little update...

Let's see. I'm sitting in my bed with my space heater purring happily away and I have that late night I can now relax and be sleepy feeling. Perfect time to catch up on xanga.  Life is going well.  I'm working at Starbucks still, making very little money but learning a lot about living in the world and loving people.  Still pursuing varied interests and making little expeditions and forays into the Arab community here.  Getting to know some quirky and interesting Navigator people.  I think right now one of the biggest and most surprising things God has done is provided me with some amazing community/friends with whom I can be vulnerable and honest and receive like in return in depths I could never have imagined.  Other than that, still having daily ups and downs, feeling a little wistful to feel the presence of God, having internal disputes over church and its place in this world, and maybe drifting a little on the surface of my emotions. I miss God.

“...Let then the world thy calling disrespect,

But go thou on, and pity their neglect.

What function is so noble, as to be

Embassador to God and destiny?

To open life, to give kingdoms to more

Than kings give dignities; to keep heavens door?

Mary’s prerogative was to bear Christ, so

‘Tis Preachers to convey him, for they do

As Angels out of clouds, from pulpits speak;

And bless the poor beneath the lame, the weak.

If then th’Astronomers, whereas they spy

A new-found star, their opticks magnify,

How brave are those, who with their Engine, can

Bring man to heaven, and heaven again to man?...”

John Donne, excerpt from “To Mr. Tilman after he had taken orders”

So here I am, curled up in my bed, with my little space heater purring happily away across from me, I have at least two candles burning (it's the only way to go to bed you know), and I'm trying to think what to write. 

Nothing on the surface important has really happned, or is happening to me, but many important things are taking place inside.  I am working at Starbucks, enjoying the daily doses of people interaction, and learning how to make great coffee.  I'm getting involved in a new church with a pretty committed group of people and we're creating quite a nice community.  I'm still not quite sure what God has in store for me in the future but I feel quite strongly that I'm where I am supposed to be for the moment, and that he has a very definite purpose for me   I am learning how to wait, how to listen, how to trust, and how to love.  Most of all, I'm just wanting to know Jesus more.

Here are some quotes I enjoy from Mother Theresa:

"We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness.
God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows
in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence...
We need silence to be able to touch souls."

"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired."

"I do not pray for success, I ask for faithfulness."